That is all I need. Nothing else.

I was supposed to be on my bed an hour ago. Hooked on Michael W. Smith song ‘Grace’. It really soothes the soul as I do my quiet time. Lately, I realised I have been trying very hard to keep myself busy with things and the people around me. Not exactly a good thing because towards the end of the day, all you wanna do is snuggle up, cry and drown in your own pool of thoughts that leave you even more tired than the day before. They said reflection is good. For me, its a painful process. Reflection to me is like drilling a hole deep down into the root of my aching heart. Its painful. It hurts but its necessary.

I had a very intimate time with God tonight. I had quite a night at Starbucks and I thought I’d learn to quieten myself down before God and develop a peaceful attitude before I hit the bed each time. I tried by first filling my mind with wholesome thoughts and then read the bible. Each night, my desire is to be close to Him and we both know that this doesnt require much conversation. Sometimes there are so many things I wan to say but most of the time, I could not yield a single word. This is when I pray God hears and feels my every heartbeat. . . . . . .

With some soft music playing in the background and the next thing I know, I was worshiping Him right there in my room feeling crappy over certain situations that seems so bleak. I am fully aware of lousy I am as His daughter. So many nights I went to bed bitter and feeling like the world owes me ( how the chinese people would say). I think He is not very proud of my attitude because I sure am not proud of myself.

As I sat here staring at my bed sight lamp, the only source of light at the moment, I came to see how God is my only light. The light to my path. I am tired of my own doings that causes me nothing but trouble. I am tired struggling with Him. I am busy lighting my own path forgetting that God is lighting a super large torchlight at me (ignore the lousy metaphor) and all I need to do is to put out my own, and follow His.

Tonight, all I want is to get lost in the His embrace. That is all I need. Nothing else.

Let me.

4 Responses to “That is all I need. Nothing else.”

  1. Good stuff you have here =)

    We need God in ways we do not know. Don’t limit your experience of God to what you can think to ask. Ask for the unknown joy – John Piper

    Keep writing Jiunn Li =)

    God bless


  2. chengyeelee Says:

    My dearest sister, guess what I had when I was doing my QT this morning. This passage has some really striking messages. Here goes:
    I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that i trust Him. I should never say, “Lord, this causes me such heartache.” To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what i want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply ask me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Amen? =)

  3. good stuff…

  4. Timmy: i like it. . .ask for unknown joy. I will try tonight. =) Thanks for dropping by too =)

    chengyee: sisss!! thanks for such a timely reminder. When we stop telling what to do, He can freely work His will in us without any hindrance. So truee. Thanks for checking on me =)

    Alan: hiiii! thanks. Glad you have fun reading them =)

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