Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Infidelity, unfaithfulness and the violation of trust.

The fragility of human relationship.

Indescribable sadness.

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Break my heart for what breaks Yours

♥

Wait?

Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”

♥

I think of. . . .

I’ve been having trouble sleeping here in Aus. Each night, I will spend a great deal of time rolling on my bed  before I could finally close my eyes. Its probably the weather. Cold and everything. I really don’t know what to say. Why don’t I tell you what I would usually think of  before i go to bed each time.

The time I spend each night thinking of the things I think before I sleep is sometimes the most honest time I have with myself, or with anyone else. I think about my parents, I think about uni, my studies and how challenging my final two sem is going to be. I think about friends. I think about how I’m a friend to them and how they’ve treated me and accepted me as who I am. I think of my past and how my life has been since then. How they have taught me in the next season of my life.I also think of the people I dislike as well. I think of sweet revenge and intense confrontation that revolves around me throwing my thoughts at them, giving them a piece of my mind.

I usually think of what I am going to wear the next day and how am I going to do my hair. I think of that beautiful blue dress I saw in the mall a couple of days before and whether I should purchase them or not. Oh not forgetting the pink cashmere cardigan that I would love to have and that expensive looking black heels I will look overly tall in. I think of my little niece whom I love very much and how much I will miss her when I get back. I think of coming over to Melbourne to do my masters and how challenging it would be to start all over again in a foreign country. I think of how it would be like to be given that sort of opportunity to be independent and to decide something for myself.

I think of how my future would be like. How troubles would melt like lemon drops and somewhere over the rainbow, I could find all my answers.I think of how my wedding would be and how many bridesmaid I would have. I think of the cascading beautiful flowers I would have to fill the entire chapel. And I too, realised, how long it would take for this dream to realise. I think of how I love weddings but stop, each time I think of having another relationship. Too much work and too much heartaches.

I think of the bad times I went through and how it had toughened me up. I think also of how the bad times have really ruined my certain perspectives in life. I think of finding ways to gain back the right picture of life and most importantly, the hope that I’ve lost in it. I think of all the people that are present in my life currently and how they each have contributed to turning my life around. I think of how I would now fight and defend for the things I believe in and the purposes I stand on. I think of my one and only true God. Who loves me no end and see me as none has ever seen before, ready to give me the best that one could ever imagine.

So much to think about in one night huh?Fret not, smile and you’ll find that life is still worthwhile despite it all.

Goodnight and here we go again =)

♥

That is all I need. Nothing else.

I was supposed to be on my bed an hour ago. Hooked on Michael W. Smith song ‘Grace’. It really soothes the soul as I do my quiet time. Lately, I realised I have been trying very hard to keep myself busy with things and the people around me. Not exactly a good thing because towards the end of the day, all you wanna do is snuggle up, cry and drown in your own pool of thoughts that leave you even more tired than the day before. They said reflection is good. For me, its a painful process. Reflection to me is like drilling a hole deep down into the root of my aching heart. Its painful. It hurts but its necessary.

I had a very intimate time with God tonight. I had quite a night at Starbucks and I thought I’d learn to quieten myself down before God and develop a peaceful attitude before I hit the bed each time. I tried by first filling my mind with wholesome thoughts and then read the bible. Each night, my desire is to be close to Him and we both know that this doesnt require much conversation. Sometimes there are so many things I wan to say but most of the time, I could not yield a single word. This is when I pray God hears and feels my every heartbeat. . . . . . .

With some soft music playing in the background and the next thing I know, I was worshiping Him right there in my room feeling crappy over certain situations that seems so bleak. I am fully aware of lousy I am as His daughter. So many nights I went to bed bitter and feeling like the world owes me ( how the chinese people would say). I think He is not very proud of my attitude because I sure am not proud of myself.

As I sat here staring at my bed sight lamp, the only source of light at the moment, I came to see how God is my only light. The light to my path. I am tired of my own doings that causes me nothing but trouble. I am tired struggling with Him. I am busy lighting my own path forgetting that God is lighting a super large torchlight at me (ignore the lousy metaphor) and all I need to do is to put out my own, and follow His.

Tonight, all I want is to get lost in the His embrace. That is all I need. Nothing else.

Let me.

♥

♥

‘I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what i hate I do. . . For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil i do not want to do-this i keep on doing’.

Romans 7: 15, 18-19

At times where I failed and wrestled hard with you,

Forgive me is all i ask.

♥

more than just black and white keys. . .

Pressing a black or white note on the piano keyboard causes a 'hammer' to hit a bunch of steel strings. The hammers rebound causing the steel string to resonate. (google image)

It has been a long time since i played such beautiful melody on my piano. It wasn’t perfect,no . . . in fact it was far from perfect but this melody gives a peaceful and serene feeling as it resonates through the walls of my house on a beautiful monday afternoon.

The song i play, has a combination of both major and minor chords. The melody played symbolize the life we are living. The major chords represent the good times one may have; fun, upbeat and of love and hope and the occasional  minor chords; brokenness and disappointments, pain and hurt. These minor chords are necessary to compliment the entire succession of musical tones.

We each live in a song, consist of both these major and minor chords. You cannot distinguish either one of them without the presence of the other. String a series of notes together, and you’ll come up with your very own personalized song =) ( And of course, you can add in the extra notes, thrills and slides to make your song more interesting or even more complex =P)

Every note i hit, God reminds me of His power and grace. It speaks of His promises and His greatness. It gives me a whole new perspective of His beauty, a glimpse of His majesty and a taste of His generosity.

How can i ever let go of this love so great?

“Wait, child. Wait and you shall see”

1 Peter 1: 7

“These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies the gold-and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials,it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”

He, the author and perfecter of our faith.

♥

to say the least

I try to blog abit while waiting for my nail polish to dry on my nicely manicured fingers. Hoping also that I wont stain my keypads. Multitasking is what I do best.

Grey sky and light breeze, so many ideas came pouring in, inspiration and gosh, I am just filled with anticipation. Looking into whatever will be, I found myself in a place that I’ve long for. Nevertheless, I was puzzled to say the least =)

We were talking, what makes a man great? What is a man of character? A man with qualities of honesty that’s for sure, a man with a great regards for integrity and courage, I like that. A man so full of confidence that you only see humility in him. A man who promise to love, when it’s the hardest to love.

It goes on. . .

Where do we find men like these? I snickered and realize that I may be asking too much.  Shaking my head I resorted to finding men like these in the bible.

Character. . . so underrated. . .

The gentle hum of hope, peace and love. . . .

One thing I ask from God, that in His will, send me a man, not just any man, but a man of great character. Amen.

♥

Already gone

Already Gone
Songwriters: Clarkson, Kelly Brianne; Tedder, Ryan;

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would’ve worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn’t want us to burn out
I didn’t come here to hold you, now I can’t stop

I want you to know that it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I’m already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you’ll find another
That doesn’t always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I’m already gone

I’m already gone, already gone
You can’t make it feel right when you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone, already gone
There’s no moving on so I’m already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they’re haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn’t matter
Where we take this road someone’s gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I’m already gone

I’m already gone, already gone
You can’t make it feel right when you know that it’s wrong
I’m already gone, already gone
There’s no moving on so I’m already gone

♥

Imagine the pain . . .

Imagine the pain,

when something mean so much to you,

meant nothing at all to another.

Imagine the pain,

when something is taken away from you,

and all you can do is watch.

Imagine the pain,

when something feels so right,

but they are not to stay.

Imagine the pain,

when what you thought is yours,

became someone else’s.

Imagine the pain,

when you had to walk out of the door,

because staying is not an option.

Imagine the pain,

when you want to love,

but your heart tells you otherwise.

Imagine the pain,

when it all used to matter,

but has now become a closed chapter.

jiunnlicheong

12th september 2009

♥

Go knock yourself out. See if i care=)

a gentle dove

Mum has landed safely in sydney and is now having dinner with my sis and andrew. She is there for my sister confinement and yes, I am going to be an aunty again in less than two weeks time! i am so excited! i have no idea how my second niece will look like but i can always imagine myself with her, wearing pretty dresses and strolling down the park. Ariel is going to be such a beauty, rare and precious, just like her mum =)

Have been so busy juggling work, studies and church. Glad i have time always for eve and myself to go shopping and movies. Just watched The proposal and we loved it! anyway, we are more aware of our spending behaviour now and we hope we’ll managed our finances better this semester but besides that, we make sure we have fun as well =).We gotta save for alot of things in the future.

Speaking of shopping, i saw this pretty lil necklace on sales yesterday and i couldnt resist going back without it.

dove

A dove is a symbol of peace. A dove may also represent the Holy Spirit.  In Matthew 3:16 ‘As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him”.Jesus is baptized by John the Baptist.  In this instance the three persons of the trinity are seen in one form or another.

Life is full of choices and happiness is only a decision away. What makes me happy? To look for that purpose and fulfillment in the things i do be it in my relationship or my career. To look into the life of others and make a difference however small they may be. I believe God has sent me a dove to remind me that, we have Him and He lives in us. We have no reason not to carry on in life if we stumble upon hurts and disappointments. We have the tools needed for His work because want to see His glory reveal in us and through us.

I thank God for that sense of peace that descends like a dove.

Today is the day, You have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it =)

Have a great weekend!

♥

=)

*soft music playing at the back, preferably a guitar*

‘…..Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can’t help falling in love with you…..’

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Quite a perfect mood to step into the examination hall =P

all the best to me! =)

really, i shouldnt be blogging. . .

14th May 2009

-dance orientation

-How to heal a broken heart, how to fall in love again.

-Worship

-Idols

-Pray for the nation- Luke 10

-families, marriages, relationships: God’s design

-Apple of God’s eye (tranformation of hearts)

-How the years have passed?What happened to our character?

-Love for us, we can never truly comprehend

-Time?

-Secure in yourself (remember the 100%)

-Pride vs Humility

-my relationship with God

-To lean and trust God when worship is the hardest thing to do.

-suffering was never bad; it is our refining period.

-becoming beautiful in God by allowing God to work in us

-women after God’s own heart

-My god He was, My God is He is .

♥